Part 1 – Newfoundlanders and Stevie Harper

You wanted absurdity, well, here it is, the first in series of tinfoil hat theories.

So, as we all know, Stevie Harper is having a bit of a problem with Danny Williams getting all uppity and stuff. It’s really a bit of a thorn in his side. I fondly remember hearing about Danny Williams taking down all the Canada flags in protest not that long ago and it’s rare that I watch the Mercer Report without hearing about Danny Williams being cantankerous again. It seems that the days where the Newfoundlanders sat idly by and let Canada do what it wanted with them are long gone. Indeed, most Newfoundlanders consider themselves Newfoundlanders first, and a Canadian second. And it’s not like Quebec, a nation within a nation that Stevie Harper is willing to relent to whenever they get finicky. No, it’s Newfoundland.

But since they’re a part of Canada, there’s not much Stevie Harper can do about this little bit of the country. However, there is a plan in place, and I’m sure it’s this.

Now, rumor is, and you didn’t hear this from me, a lot of Newfoundlanders are leaving their beloved homeland for the greener fields of land-locked Alberta. The lure of money is strong and, well, yeah, there’s money there. And people. Albertan people.

This can only mean one thing. Stevie Harper is trying to breed out Newfoundlanders with loyal and decidedly not-uppity Albertans. And sure, Newfoundlanders always return home, but the damage is done, they’re bring home Albertans to further weaken the strong Newfoundlander gene generation by generation.

Albeit, this could take some time, but hey, it’s the Government. When do they ever plan on finishing a project during their stay?

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For those unfamiliar with the tinfoil hat ideology, people wear them to block out rays that are used to control our brains. Because, you know, the government and aliens have nothing better to do (though the aliens do have those probings to attend to).

For those unfamiliar with me, why are you reading my blog?

Apologies for the photo. You get bonus points if you recognize the hat. I’ll do a better version later, had to build it quickly to combat those rays you know.

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Feel free to Request-a-theory!

-d