a tale of two faucets

The folks at work got a good laugh at me for taking pictures of the faucet in the bathroom, but, well, this is me. And now you can laugh too!

There are basically two taps that I use on a regular basis, the one at my home and the other at work in the men’s washroom. Of course, there is another faucet in the women’s washroom, but then I’d have to start wearing skirts in order to use that one. And we all know I just don’t have the legs for a skirt. I’m sure, as soon as I entered the washroom alarms would ring somewhere and I’d be added to the FBI watch list before I was done.

Anyway. Regarding the latter of the two, it’s quite modern and fancy as clearly shown in the picture. With the lack of handles, all the water flow is controlled with a nice little sensor at the base. For those wondering, it’s the black thing with the rounded corners that looks ready to consume any wandering fingers. I have yet to loose any fingers.

But that’s not my big complaint. What gets me is the perfect positioning. Mind you, not for washing hands (though it does do that really well too) but for soaking me. That’s right. With cupped, soapy hands needing a brisk rinse, the height is perfect to launch a stream of water right from the faucet and onto my waiting and previously perfectly dry jeans. And launch it does.

There’s been a few near misses but thankfully I have yet to receive a full frontal soaking — though I will admit the first day at the office was pretty fun. In the meantime, I’m sure the bathroom is plotting against me, waiting for the perfect day to deliver a killing blow. If you’re very unlucky, I’ll post photographic evidence when it happens.

And on the homefront we have this lovely deal. Looks innocent enough doesn’t it? But I swear to you, that little handle is also out to get me. There it sits, until you turn it on to and then it becomes a perfect, vicious eye-poker! Every time I go to rinse my teeth after brushing, I gamble one of my eyes. Mornings are the worst. Bleary-eyed, stumbling around, thinking it’s Saturday when it’s only Tuesday (it’s going to be a long week), the timing is ripe for producing a good, old-fashioned black-eye.

Thankfully, with only two weeks left, chances are pretty good that I won’t be getting any black eyes from my taps. Unless upstairs has the same taps. And then I’m screwed. If I’m very unlucky, I’ll post photographic evidence.

-d

No. I’m not paranoid.
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